That's how I feel at this very moment, like I am struggling. I even hate to write about it because I sit here thinking will there ever be a time in my life that I don't have these feelings. Feelings of pride, envy,anger and sometimes just being mad. My marriage is going thru things that we have never faced before and to let people know that is hard, because of my pride. Struggling financially and letting people know is hard, because of my envy. I think that because of these feelings, that releases the anger. Good grief! Does it ever end? I have such a great life. I have a husband that loves me and our kids and most of all the Lord. I have healthy children that are thriving. I have a family that I could turn to, if I just would. I have friends and a church family that I could turn to, if I just would. Most of all I have Christ that I could turn to, if I just would! Why is it so hard to let go and let God?
Speaking of kids, A#1 will be 19 one week from today! Hello!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!! Did you hear me? NINETEEN!! How am I old enough to have a 19 year old. I was mailing him a package for Valentine's Day and the post woman asked who it was for since it was going to LU. When I told her my son, her jaw dropped. "You have a son in college?" that should have made me feel great but instead I had a breakdown in my truck. I HAVE A SON IN COLLEGE!! And by God's GRACE he is doing incredible. I think the thing that is making it hard right now is that when I think back and realize that I was 19 when we got married. People, that is just way to young. You couldn't tell me that then and I'll bet I wouldn't be able to tell him that now.