Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Struggling

That's how I feel at this very moment, like I am struggling. I even hate to write about it because I sit here thinking will there ever be a time in my life that I don't have these feelings. Feelings of pride, envy,anger and sometimes just being mad. My marriage is going thru things that we have never faced before and to let people know that is hard, because of my pride. Struggling financially and letting people know is hard, because of my envy. I think that because of these feelings, that releases the anger. Good grief! Does it ever end? I have such a great life. I have a husband that loves me and our kids and most of all the Lord. I have healthy children that are thriving. I have a family that I could turn to, if I just would. I have friends and a church family that I could turn to, if I just would. Most of all I have Christ that I could turn to, if I just would! Why is it so hard to let go and let God?
Speaking of kids, A#1 will be 19 one week from today! Hello!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!! Did you hear me? NINETEEN!! How am I old enough to have a 19 year old. I was mailing him a package for Valentine's Day and the post woman asked who it was for since it was going to LU. When I told her my son, her jaw dropped. "You have a son in college?" that should have made me feel great but instead I had a breakdown in my truck. I HAVE A SON IN COLLEGE!! And by God's GRACE he is doing incredible. I think the thing that is making it hard right now is that when I think back and realize that I was 19 when we got married. People, that is just way to young. You couldn't tell me that then and I'll bet I wouldn't be able to tell him that now.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know anytime you need me or Poppy we are right there to help in any way we can, You get that pride thing honestly from your mom.
Knowing how hard it was growing up for me and Uncle Mikie
and to know the GOOD LORD got us threw it, I know I can do anything I sat my mind to and so can you, I think Mikie and I both had to much pride to ask for help so we made it on our own.Some how God helped us then and certainly helps us now as he always will be there to help you
all.Always remember we are here for you.
MOM

Ruhiyyih Rose said...

I admire you so much more for your vulnerability in your writing here - this is a great post. I hope I can pull my own self together to write a similar one this week. Hang in there - we have an awesome God! (And a happy birthday to your son!) :)

Lisa said...

I love you girl. Know we all go through it marriages money life. I love you to death and aI am here for you when you need me. I am always praying and God will see you through... Call if you want or need to

Rach said...

Hugs and prayers to you. This was a tough post to write. I don't know what's going on, but I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

That pride thing? I don't think it's just limited to you and your mama. I think all us in the B family got a huge heaping dose of it. :oP

You hang in there.

julie07 said...

Pride, envy, jealousy something we all struggle with. We are human after all. You have a church family who loves you all dearly. We will be praying for you and are here for you whatever you need. Don't be afraid to ask.....Love ya!!!

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